Creating situations, pizzazz and some magic 🔮
Ciao bellissim*,
I hope you have been eating and drinking your weight in delicious food and bubbles the last week. I definitely ingested more pasta than desirable. Food for the soul - the most valid excuse.
If you are wondering, the asterisk in my greeting stands for Italian inclusive writing. The desinence of our words infers gender and number (-a,-o, -e, -i). Consequently, by omitting it and inserting the asterisks you avoid any sort of discrimination.
Yes, it’s Thursday and not a Tuesday. Not that we are so intimate for you to even notice I didn’t knock on your email door on Tuesday like I did last week.
I was writing copy for this edition and I felt utterly uninspired (my autocorrect tried to change the word to inspired, now I sense my computer knew I needed a kick) due to the fact that I’ve sat and sifted in my own broth in my family home for over ten days, under the Italian lockdown, hence without seeing people, sleeping in my teenage-looking bed, on the verge of constantly falling (who knows how to sleep in a single bed anymore?) surrounded by adolescent books and 90s looking secret diaries.
I felt 16 again, the same claustrophobia penetrating my skin, my full-grown-adult Parisian life a mirage.
Things were not looking up for Dayum. It wasn’t the ring-around-the-rosie spiraling that gets you dizzy, tipsy, and giggly. Therefore, in order to provide some extra damness to our lives, more days, new fun experiences, and a break in my routine was needed. As the captain of this boat, I decided this personal message in a bottle should get to you on days that welcome the weekend celebrations! 🏴☠️🏴☠️🏴☠️🏴☠️
Pizzazz and the importance of language
My week was in extreme need of pizzazz, which is a term I love to use because it includes 🍕 in it, and I end up pronouncing it with all the flair of a Neapolitan pizzaiolo.
Flamboyance is a word that sounds funny to me, like a medieval minstrel jumping around (specifying medieval because while checking the spelling, I learned that minstrel shows in the US where pure racist entertainment - basically the origin of blackface).
I never thought that you could say things like “your outfit needs some panache”. You can be sure I’ll go around using this expression and causing trouble.
I obviously googled “use panache in a sentence”. Use X in a sentence is another excellent source of wtf humor from actual daily life. They explain how to properly use words; you are supposed to talk this way, which might honestly make it worse than the urban dictionary.
Quoting Wikipedia: panache (French pronunciation: [pan ash]) is a word of French origin that carries the connotation of flamboyant manner and reckless courage, derived from the helmet-plume worn by cavalrymen in the Early Modern period; the epitome of panache and the reason for its establishment as a virtue are found in Edmond Rostand's depiction of Cyrano de Bergerac.
I was quite surprised to find out that, while the term panache holds to its colorful connotation, the term flamboyant is mostly used with a somehow negative attitude.
“How Can I Be Charismatic Without Being irritatingly Flamboyant?” someone asks on Reddit or “How do I become a more flamboyant, non-threatening, likeable gay guy?” on Quora. 🤔
Attempting to find better words to describe colorful personalities, I even discovered that "the 'colorful' personality is a subclinical form of histrionic personality disorder”. HPD refers to a pattern of attention-seeking behavior featuring exaggerated, even theatrical displays of emotion and shallow relationships.
It saddens me how poorly we use language, mostly giving positive words a negative tone, but then I guess it all stems out from bullying. Living in a society when bullying is accepted, we naturally start to unconsciously bully ourselves by simply somatizing the fear and possibility of being threatened for being our true selves. Think about the role language plays in the bullying equation, even in a positive set up.
Times are changing and language is following along. We might find more scientific proof for our vices, they still won’t excuse us to properly make an effort to keep up with the times.
The South of Italy is a place where the time has stopped, in good ways and very bad ones too - I think of racial issues, gender-ones, women rights, the Church influence, etc. My region has recorded the highest percentage of conscientious objection to abortion in the country (96.9%). Don’t worry the rest of the country is not in hugely better conditions. Yet, I find that I need to justify to people here why I am shocked by the number. Let’s not even start with misgendering or any gender-related topics…
How you, and the people around you, use language is crucial. Don’t let it slip.
A story
This week was quite challenging for my writing. Those characters might take other turns in the future, but here is a story that’s been bugging my head this week.
Did you know that a healthy coral reef sounds like popcorn?
The most recognized sound is made by the snapping shrimps, and fish and crustaceans use it to find their way back to their homes. When coral starts dying, fish flee, leaving behind a silent ocean. Since the coral reef isn’t popping, literally, researchers have been playing sounds underwater to get fish to return to those areas.
Pretty much a catfishing story that turns into a fake-it-until-you-make-it inspirational example. Supposedly the fish that start coming back help cleaning the reef, allowing the coral to start growing again.
I repeated the same exact monologue to Maggie this morning and she asked me whether I was talking about the coral reef or about myself. I was just really talking about the coral reef and for a split second I regretted having told Maggie that I wanted to cut my hair or switch up my wardrobe.
It was an either-or question I hadn’t ruled on yet.
The moment you raise one matter that implies some shedding one’s skin, your friends can become unbearably annoying. At least adults do, scared you might be on the verge of an alarming crisis. Some might even suggest seeing a therapist from the get-go, to take you out of their own list of worries. If anything, my questions were born to avoid causing an earthquake around me. How can you start displaying newness after 70 years of being a reserved predictable individual?
I haven’t changed much I’d say, but I’d never made the effort to express all there is.
But then Maggie said that thing and I had to think about myself as a coral reef that needed some new tunes to come back alive and I got even more annoyed; I didn’t know who was right anymore.
I asked Chloe, my neighbor’s teenage daughter if I should cut my hair or get rid of my clothes. “You see, I have been wearing the same hair, polo, and cut of pants for so long I feel they have been wearing me. And if I extremely alter one, how will the others take it?”. By others, I didn’t mean people. I meant if I changed my hair, how would my wardrobe react and vice versa, but Chole knew what I meant. She said it was a fair point but that I was naturally good at limiting my options. She told me that I shouldn’t decide necessarily and that I should start playing with my looks and the different persona I’d like to put on in the serenity of my home.
“And because you live by yourself, you are not hiding from the world. It’s not about keeping a secret from your family, all locked up in your room. It’s just a solo exploratory mission that will make you get used to being the new you.”
She also told me not to use the pronoun “she” when I write about her in my daily journal. “It might be harder and you might hate making an effort with the language you’ve been familiar with, but language wasn’t made for you or just for you. Language was also for me. And for what’s worth, language is a living entity like your coral. Why are you so unmovable when it comes to language when you are literally criticizing how badly your ‘adult’ friends are reacting to announcing the possibility of a minor look change?” They had a much better point than Maggie.
Chloe found me particularly worthy of their time today and went on to try to explain gender fluidity to me. They told me they’d suggest I try drag if they wouldn’t be scared that I’d panic and maybe develop some mild homophobia just out of fear of the flamboyant environment. “There is enough homophobia out there for another 60ish years old to join the fear-of-the-unknown-hate-party.” I was advised to look into genderfuck and see how I liked it. My unrestrained-horny-self first thought I’d find some bizarre pornographic plots, to then find out it’s actually a form of subversion. Subversion to traditional gender binary or gender roles, mixing masculine and feminine components. I was extremely confused. Choe said that I could still like women but enjoy wearing a dress or skirts or feminine clothes, a bit like Dennis Rodman did while he was playing for the Bulls. If I liked it I could consider myself a gender punk and think of the experience as an act of solidarity to fight against homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and misandry. They said this type of self-exploration was a form of activism that I couldn’t refuse if we were to remain friends. “So for the love of God, just have a little fun for me”.
We have tried the glitter beard trend together and managed to disperse heaps of glitter all over my apartment moquette. They are impossible to vacuum away, but Chloe said I don’t need to worry because it’s biodegradable.
They said that now that my home will be flamboyant for at least a few weeks, I’m responsible to get it popping again.
Creating Magic: a challenge
The short dance film “Concise Guide to Natural Movement” starts with Alexander Ekman, renowned Swedish choreographer, admitting he hasn’t been feeling quite himself:
I think it all started three years ago. I was dancing and I just felt…fake.
How do I know if these are my movements? My natural moves?
Maybe there is something more, together.
The guide then is made up of 5 steps:
Create situations
Create stillness
Find a purpose
Lose a purpose
Pay attention, now
Special out-of-the-box activities always get me out of a funk and fill me with sparkling energy I can ride on for weeks. Those are not every-day activities that fall into my average feel-good pick-me-up stuff, like dancing or reading. I'm referring to the floating sensation that festivals usually provide when you get to put on a different side of you, play a different persona if you wish, or spark conversations on topics you'd never thought worrying about before.
Creating situations takes time and commitment to play to the rules of the game.
We are talking about experience extravaganza here, ticking off your list the most dream-like item or something you felt inhibited to do so far.
The getting-out-of-your-comfort-zone kind of stuff, or at least the comfort zone of this persona you are currently playing right now, the one you fear compromising in public or in front of your mirror. There is enough literature on the comfort zone, I'm going to avoid boring you out with the usual sermons.
Creating situations for a group instead requires organization and storytelling to set up a mood. In my experience, friends and strangers will be open to anything if you clearly communicate what you expect from them (come in disguise, keep a secret, cook only yellow food) and set up a proper mood for whatever you wish to organize (fun invitation, creative descriptions, etc).
And if the tiny voice of laziness inside your head is questioning why creating those moments is essential, you should look into the peak-end rule and learn how your memory is not the average of an experience. In the sense that you’ll naturally tend to remember better the most emotionally intense moments (positive or negative) more than how they fit in the overall experience you had. This realization will incentivize you to create more special events and rituals with your loved ones, but also recognize the natural cognitive bias we all have when judging the quality of our interactions.
This week's challenge is to create a situation and somehow follow Ekman's guide to reflecting on it all. If you are not usually the organizer of your group, challenge yourself to plan a fun activity. If you are usually the people gatherer, create a situation for yourself. And if you are good at doing both, create some stillness or empower someone to train their creativity muscles.
It doesn't have to be complicated. The fondest memories I have with my friends are events where we all had to show up wearing a wig, artichokes-themed brunches, wine and write nights, dinner with 2nd-degree connections playing made-up questions games... It takes a bit of effort and maybe falling into some internet holes to find inspiration, but it's so worth it. You’ll create memorable moments, discover new facets of yourself and of your friends, and probably bond over secrets you’ll have to keep forever because of it. If you are really not in the mood, let me know what's your recipe to get out of a funk. I'm very open to finding less-flamboyant ways to boost myself.
My out-of-the-box-and-out-of-the-funk activity this week was to join Piera Geraldi, Refinery29's co-founder and executive creative director, Dancorcism (dance + exorcism) class.
✨🔮"Dancorcism is a healing, dance party and a music album that takes you on a metamorphic journey through each of your energy bodies towards freedom, self-expression, self-love, creativity, and a sense of community and connection. It is a practice of living in love and celebrating life together in real-time." 🔮✨
It was quite cathartic. Movement was free and moves included directions as being a star, eating fire, kicking the bad energy away, dancing like a kitty, a lot of joyful jumping, and great pearls of wisdom as "just because you feel it, it doesn't mean you have to carry it". Preach, sister, preach!
Piera is giving another free class called "Kick Starting Creativity Through Dance" this Saturday at 11 am EST, 5 pm CEST. It's free and you can subscribe to it here. Class is on zoom, super-easy going, and you can turn off your video if you feel shy. I'll definitely be joining again, TOTALLY WORTH IT.
In the same spirit, if you are French or speak French and want to keep dancing and let loose in unconventional ways, there is an online Gaga people class this Saturday at 7 pm CEST. What's GAGA? I highly recommend watching Netflix's Move episode on Israelian choreographer Ohad Naharin. Very inspiring, freeing, and entertaining even if you are not dance-savvy.
Lands to further explore, curiosities and random facts
1- 📺 Russia just won the celebration of New Year with the production of CIAO 2020, a 53 min show inspired by Italo disco and our heritage of the 80s. The looks, the fact that everyone is trying to sing Italian-inspired songs even if not speaking the language, the entire show it’s hysterical. To watch!!!
2- 📺 I rewatched Frances Ha starring the amazing Greta Gerwig who has also written the movie (look into more of her work). To watch if you feel stuck and you need some non-obvious source of serenity. It’s the right amount of awkward and sweet. The trailer.
3- 📖 To read: “That day I carried the dream around like a full glass of water, moving gracefully so I would not lose any of it.” In line with my last week's obsessions, I’ve just finished reading Miranda July’s “No One Belongs Here More Than You”. Keyword: poetically cringey. Order it at an independent book store if you can, and in the meantime enjoy scrolling through those stove messages.
4- 💃 To play: Italian tombola. The website provides a free version entirely in Italian but very easy to understand. It’s similar to bingo, but in the tombola, you play only horizontally. The “tabellone” is the person who will call the numbers, and each player can decide how many “cartelle” they want to play with. In the physical version, to raise money for the prizes, each person will have to pay for each tombola card. In this case, you will have to get creative with your friends on how to assess prizes. You can go through the rules here.
5- 📝 Get creative with Adam J.Kurtz’s free activity pages. These forty-two activity pages from his guided journals are silly, introspective, and maybe a little existential, but appropriate for all ages.
6- 🎧 To listen: My dad wrote a porno. You’ve read that right. Forever thankful to Laure for making me find this hilarious podcast.
7- 🕳 🔮A magical internet hole to watch: BBC History of Magic. “What’s fascinating about magic is that you go in there and you say ‘I’m going to lie to you’ and then you do. And you say ‘look at this carefully, try to burst me’, and they can’t.”
8- 📖 📺 To read and consequently watch the show: Big Mouth” Is Still Changing—For the Better. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here season 1 trailer.
9- 🎧 📺 Tyler, The Creator’s tiny desk is something I constantly listen to when I need a kick to feel smooth. The entire set is unplugged, the pink lighting is to die for, and Tyler’s humor is like a security blanket. I find it funny that the first song is actually “Boredom”: Find some time to do something, cause boredom got a new best friend. And as you go through it, it will make you feel like glitter (13:20).
10- 📖 💡To get inspired for your 2021 reading: 26 of the Most Fascinating Books WIRED Read in 2020. Don’t forget to read some fiction. I’d love to see a list of fictional books that provided learning vs the usual self-help/business ones. What’s the best fiction book you’ve read this year?
Thank you for making it this far. 🤘 Ci vediamo la prossima settimana,
Paolaimperia
Random fact: Houdini died on Halloween in 1926 🤯🧙♂️